Feeling Glum

I've been feeling awful for a while now. It got to the point where I just burst into tears without warning. I even had someone ask me if I had any symptoms of depression like tiredness or changes in eating patterns. I've actually been quite scared because I don't recognise the patterns as being how I am.

What I was going to say after my last post was that happiness seems to be a build up of good things happening. At that time I had been feeling down for a while but had had a really good week. After a week of really good things happening I felt generally better and my mood lifted. But soon after I fell right back into the hole of gloom and it's hard to get out.

I very rarely get down because of one thing. More often it's a build up of several things all coming together. My default state is to be happy and then things disturb that state, but I come back to happiness when that passes. But in the last few months it's been the opposite. I don't get really happy unless a few things build up and cheer me up. It's as if I have suddenly turned into a pessimist from being an optimist. My default state has been unhappy and then things disturb that.

Anyway, I cheered up on new year's eve so I hope that 2010 will be a good year. The days will be longer, I'll do some more exercise and I hope that good things will happen.

As we were told in virtually every assembly at secondary school (ages 11-14) - our headmistress must have been the most unimaginative lady in the universe -

God, grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things that I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

...although I don't mean it in a religious context, it's more of a new year's resolution thing.